At 18 years old I was a very hurt angry girl who was out of control. I was raised by my mum and didn't have good relationships with men, I was abused and had feelings of abandonment. A part of me hated men but I always craved love from them. I was taking cocaine, drinking excessively, sleeping with anyone and didn't have a care in the world, I would go from place to place.
I was lap dancing by the time I was 19, quickly becoming addicted to the money, lifestyle and the attention. Within a year I took the next step into temptation and found myself in a massage parlour, horrified at the whole experience but that soon went and I went on to work full time. I worked in massage parlours for a few years, I was earning £2000 a week, but soon got dissatisfied with the money, and soon started escorting in London and Manchester, for better money.
I was obsessed with making money. By this point I hated the work, but I just couldn't leave. I had a son at 21 but soon after I returned back to the devils workshop (that's what we called it). And even with the love I had for my son I just didn't have the strength or willpower to leave this horrible life I was trapped in. I attempted to leave but it lasted no longer than a week. I was addicted to the money, the vanity, the drugs, the partying, the alter ego and everything that comes with working in this world. I didn't recognise myself in my reflection. I was full of anxiety, depression, my soul felt dead.
I was in a hotel in Kensington I found myself at rock bottom. At the age of 24. In between clients, I looked at myself in the mirror and in my heart I knew I needed help or I was going to kill myself. Suicide was a real thought. Mentally, emotionally and physically I was not in a good place, I was scared. I sprawled out on the floor, I was a mess, and began to scream. Then I cried out to God. I asked Him to take this all away and I promise I wouldn't do it again, and told Him I would kill myself otherwise.
My nan was a Christian, she would pray in this weird language, she always told me she prayed for me every night and often spoke about Jesus from a young age. At 16 I had anorexia, she took me to church one day, they prayed for me and I fell over and from that day I got better.
I had said little prayers being a mum, very rare but it would be something like this...you know I'm only doing what I'm doing for money for me and my son but look after my family please. I knew in that horrible day in London, screaming out to this God was the last thing I could possibly do.
Within a month I was completely out of the industry, I didn't care about the money, the drugs or the lifestyle, I was soon off anti-depressants too. I had heard about a guy who had given his life to Jesus, I decided to get in touch, eventually we met up and he preached the Gospel to me and told me how Jesus had changed his life. I wanted what he had. Then I gave my life to Jesus.
We ended up getting married, I have a family, I'm a wife, I'm a full time mum, I'm a bible college student and God has surrounded me with friends like I've never had before, they genuinely care for me. We have been blessed in so many areas of our life. Even writing this now I see how much of a brand new life God has given to me. I'm not the same person that I saw in the mirror just over 18 months ago. Jesus is doing so much in me and in my life. He was always there I just didn't know, and He had a plan for my life, I'm at the beginning of my journey and I'm excited for the plans He has for my life.